The bonds of family are often considered unbreakable, but what happens when those bonds are stretched to their limit, or worse, severed altogether? In a world where forgiveness is prized, one man’s decision to cut ties with his estranged parents has sparked a debate about the nature of forgiveness, the importance of family, and the healing power of closure.
Our protagonist, a 29-year-old man (let’s call him John), found himself at a crossroads when his estranged parents reached out to him, trying to reconnect after abandoning him when he was just 13 years old.
When he was 7, this man’s parents divorced and left him to stay with his mom, until she moved in with her boyfriend 2 years later, sending him to live with his dad
A few years later, the dad introduced the OP to his new girlfriend, who kicked the 12-year-old boy out of the house as soon as she became pregnant
John’s early life was far from a fairytale. His parents, unable to reconcile their differences, divorced when he was just seven. This critical moment set the stage for a tumultuous childhood marked by parental neglect and emotional chaos. Initially living with his mother post-divorce, John’s life took another sharp turn at 9 when he was relocated to live with his father, as his mother moved in with her boyfriend. However, the illusion of stability quickly crumbled as parental visits became rare and John found himself struggling with the complexities of his broken family dynamics.
A few years had gone by and, when he was 12, John’s father introduced him to his new girlfriend, whose dislike for him was almost palpable. Despite John’s best efforts to navigate this difficult relationship, tensions only escalated. A year later, his father’s fiancée became pregnant, and John was sent to live with his grandmother—a move that felt like another abandonment. This choice made John bitter, especially since his father believed his partner’s false characterization of him as a troublesome kid.
The OP was living with his grandmother, who was forced to return to work just to be able to provide for her grandson, as the parents stopped financial support
Seeking comfort, John turned to his mother, only to discover her nomadic lifestyle left little room for maternal bonding. “She said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school,” he recalls. With both parents preoccupied with their new lives, John found himself lost, relying on the unconditional support of his grandmother, who became his rock in all the chaos and drama.
Years passed, and John’s contact with his parents was reduced to occasional birthday interactions. By 16, his parents had cut off any financial support, forcing his grandmother to return to work to be able to take care of her grandson. Thanks to her efforts, John went to college, graduated, landed a good job, got engaged, and built a decent life for himself. His parents, meanwhile, disappeared from his life entirely, building new families without a thought for John.
After his grandmother passed away, the OP tried to reconnect with his family but was completely ignored by his parents
After 16 years of not talking to his parents they reached out to OP, trying to apologize and reconcile, but he shut them down, leaving his fiancé upset
After his grandmother passed away, John attempted to contact his family to share the news but couldn’t reach anyone. “I tried to text and call the only phone number I had for my dad, but it didn’t go through, and I was the only family member at her funeral,” John recalls.
Just as John was beginning to move on, he received an unexpected email from his parents, wanting to apologize and reconnect. His father even expressed a desire for John to meet his half-siblings, but made no mention of John’s grandmother’s passing. Faced with the prospect of reconciliation, John was caught between anger and resentment. “I sent a reply stating I don’t know him or my mom, added a few harsh words, and told them never to contact me again,” John remembers.
John’s fiancée, coming from a close-knit family, was upset about his refusal to meet with his parents, urging him to forgive and forget. Yet, John’s own experiences had taught him that forgiveness is not always synonymous with reconciliation, and sometimes, the best way to move forward is to leave the past behind. His friends, on the other hand, supported his decision to cut ties, stating that he made the right call.
According to an article on how to forgive a parent who abandoned you, the purpose of forgiveness is not to relieve others of their obligations, but to release yourself from the suffering tied to past events. “Forgiveness is more for you than it is for the other person. It’s not about ignoring the wrong that’s been done or negating the pain you’ve felt, but it is about making room for something better in your future.”
While forgiveness may be a deeply personal journey, you don’t need to reconcile or rebuild a relationship with the person who hurt you, if it’s not healthy for you. However, dealing with the anger that the abandonment caused can take a long, long time. “Whether you blame your mom for your dad leaving, blame your dad for leaving your mom to raise you on her own, anger can be a big way that our brain tries to cover up pain. Dealing with a completely justified, deep-seated anger problem in a healthy way can be the work of a lifetime.”
The conflicting advice he received from his fiancée and his friends led John to turn to the internet, asking if he was the jerk for rejecting his parents’ attempt at reconciliation. The netizens didn’t disappoint, sharing their little nuggets of wisdom. Some argued that John’s parents had pretended he didn’t exist for 16 years, and being his biological parents didn’t automatically make them his family.
What’s your take on John’s story? Did he make the right choice by refusing to reconnect with his parents, or will he regret his decision later? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
People in the comments side with the OP, saying that he is not a jerk for refusing to reconnect with the parents who abandoned him
