Refusing to Pay for My Daughter’s Wedding

As a 48-year-old father, I’ve always admired my 19-year-old daughter’s independent thinking. It’s something I encouraged and instilled in her from a young age. However, we recently encountered a bump in the road. She recently got engaged and made it clear that she doesn’t want me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. According to her, the idea of being “given away” doesn’t align with her beliefs of independence and ownership.

Although I raised her to be an independent thinker, I must admit this decision has left me feeling hurt and confused. My wife and I have always treated her like an individual, never as someone to be possessed or controlled. I find her stance extreme, particularly because we’ve always tried our best to provide a loving and fulfilling life for her. Despite numerous discussions, she remains firm in her decision.

While I respect her choices, I can’t help but feel that she is disregarding our feelings completely. In response, I made the difficult decision to tell her that if she feels this strongly, I won’t be funding her wedding. I don’t want to come across as controlling or manipulative, but I also believe that if she wants to maintain her stance, she should bear the financial responsibility of her own wedding. It’s a conflicting situation for me.

Am I the one in the wrong here?

Let me clarify, this isn’t about making the wedding about me. Walking her down the aisle, with all eyes on her, and then taking my seat hardly minimizes the spotlight on her. It’s more about her attitude towards us. Up until now, she has been afforded countless opportunities and we’ve made numerous sacrifices for her. By excluding us from this special day, it feels like a rejection of everything we’ve done and given for her. It comes across as selfish.

While it’s true that many wedding traditions and symbols are rooted in antiquated beliefs, a father walking his daughter down the aisle has been a symbol of respect, pride, love, and honoring the father-daughter relationship for a long time. It’s not simply about ownership.

Independent thinking should not be equated with rudeness or selfishness. It’s about having the ability to think critically and form one’s own opinions while still being respectful and considerate of others. It’s finding a balance between asserting individuality and engaging in meaningful and respectful interactions with others.