A Tale of Liberation and Happiness
Dear Wife,
I pen this letter to inform you that I will never return. For seven long years, I have tried to be a loving and caring husband, but my efforts have fallen flat.
These past two weeks have been a living nightmare. The final straw was when your boss reached out to inform me about your resignation today.
Last week, when you came home, you didn’t even notice my fresh haircut or the fact that I went above and beyond to prepare your favorite meal. I even treated myself to a new pair of luxurious silk boxers.
However, despite my efforts, you devoured your food in a matter of minutes and then promptly retired to bed, engrossed in your TV dramas.
Our connection has faded away, both emotionally and physically. I do not know whether you have been unfaithful or if you have simply stopped loving me. In either case, I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
PS: Please do not search for me. I am relocating to West Virginia with YOUR SISTER! Enjoy your life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Reading your letter has bestowed upon me a sense of liberation I haven’t felt in years. While we may have been married for seven years, I must say that your self-proclaimed greatness has been rather questionable.
I must admit, those TV dramas have been my sanctuary, shielding me from your endless complaints. Sadly, they don’t always do the trick.
Yes, I did notice your haircut last week, and my first thought was, “You look rather feminine!” However, I remembered my mother’s teachings and decided to keep my thoughts to myself. By the way, I haven’t eaten pork in seven years, so your carefully prepared meal for me must have been intended for MY SISTER instead.
About those brand-new silk boxers of yours: It’s quite the coincidence that I had just lent my sister $50 that morning, and lo and behold, the price tag of $49.99 dangled from them as you twirled around.
Despite everything, I still held love in my heart and believed we could salvage our relationship. In fact, I won a staggering $10 million in the lottery and even quit my job to surprise you with two tickets to Jamaica. But when I returned home, you were nowhere to be found.
I guess fate had other plans for us. I genuinely wish you the happiness you have always sought. As per my lawyer’s advice, the content of your letter guarantees that you won’t receive any money from me. Best of luck to you.
Your ex-wife, who is both wealthy and free!
PS: I’m not sure if I ever mentioned it, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that won’t be an issue.
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