“My husband and I have been together for five years. We were only concubines until two years ago.
Although I gave birth to a healthy baby in February 2015, I don’t believe it is what led to our present situation. When we chat, there are some things I don’t comprehend.
When he becomes enraged and raises his voice, we both blame the other, and I rationally feel ashamed.
He always asks, “But why can’t you do it?” whenever I ask him to assist me or do something for me because I’ve gotten used to doing everything on my own. Really, I need more assistance than that.”
Adela, an online psychologist responds:
“My darling,
From what you’ve mentioned, I can tell that you’d like your husband to be more understanding and supportive of you. You must be very strict about what you allow and do not tolerate if you want this outcome.
If your husband raises his voice to you again, you may take your child and leave. He won’t change as long as he believes he can offend you and you permit him to do so.
He will respect you and acquire self-control only if you show him that you are not afraid of him and that you are independent of him.
Make sure he is aware of the proper procedure for simple tasks like taking the child for a walk or disposing of the garbage. Don’t lose your composure if he starts to yell louder.
You should explain to your spouse that you need someone who will stand by your side, support you, and provide a good example for your son, not someone with whom you have a hostile relationship and who you have to take care of like a howler monkey.
If he is unable to exercise self-control, he should look for a different place to live. You’re not prepared to put up with this conduct any longer.
I assured you that he will respect you if you can educate him properly. Otherwise, business as usual will continue. Everything is up to you.”
