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 “I brought my daughter into the world and took her out of it.”

As I held Deborah’s hand as she took her last breath, I was both sad and relieved. My beautiful whirlwind of a girl was gone, and so was her pain.

It’s hard to be a mom to a dead child every day, but tomorrow is especially hard.

Even though one of my children has died, I’ll always be a mom of three. But today, I’m thinking about my 16-year-old and 14-year-old grandchildren, Hugo and Eloise, who have lost their wonderful mother.

It’s not okay for them to send her a card or gift or just let her hug them.

It is with a mix of sadness and relief that we remember the incredible Deborah James, a force of nature and a loving mother. As she took her last breath, my heart ached for the loss of my whirlwind of a daughter. But I knew that she was finally free from the pain that had haunted her for so long.

Being a mother to a deceased child is a daily struggle, but tomorrow marks a particularly difficult day for me. Today, I find myself thinking about Deborah’s children, Hugo and Eloise, who have lost their wonderful mother at such a young age. Sending her a card or gift is no longer an option for them. All we can do is love them and be there for them, every single day.

Deborah’s journey with bowel cancer began five and a half years ago, when she was just 35 years old and a mother of two young children. It was a shocking diagnosis for a healthy, active woman who didn’t smoke or eat meat. But life had other plans for her.

Despite the challenges she faced, Deborah was brave and determined. She not only battled her own illness, but also dedicated herself to raising awareness about cancer and the importance of listening to our bodies. Her legacy lives on through her columns, her blog, and her work with The Sun and the NHS.

But Deborah’s impact goes beyond the lives she saved and continues to save. She left us with invaluable advice on how to live. She taught us all to make the most of every day, to find joy in the little things, and to cherish every moment. Her children, Hugo and Eloise, embody her passion and energy, carrying on her legacy of love, bravery, and positivity.

As a mother, it was incredibly difficult for me to watch Deborah endure pain that I couldn’t ease. But in the end, I’m grateful that her last moments were peaceful. I held her hand as she passed away, knowing that she was finally at peace. It was a bittersweet moment, a mix of heartbreak and relief.

In the year that followed her passing, I was consumed by the need to support Deborah’s husband and children. I kept myself busy, trying to distract myself from the pain. But eventually, the grief caught up with me, and I found myself struggling to cope.

On Deborah’s death anniversary, I was overwhelmed by panic attacks that made it difficult for me to leave the house. It was then that I realized I needed help. With the support of loved ones, I started therapy and began taking antidepressants. Talking about Deborah and looking at pictures of her became a source of comfort and healing.

This year, I have started to feel better. We recently celebrated Sarah’s 40th birthday, and in April, my son Ben is getting married. While these important milestones are tinged with sadness, we honor Deborah’s memory by finding joy in each moment and living our lives to the fullest.

Though Deborah is no longer with us, her spirit lives on. It lives on in her family, especially her children, who carry her strength and resilience within them. It lives on in the awareness she raised and the funds she helped generate for cancer research.

Deborah James may have left this world, but her legacy remains, inspiring us all to live with bravery, love, and gratitude.