Husband sent a text to his wife at night,

“Hi, I will be late. Please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.” However, there was no reply.

He sent another text,

“And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary. At the end of the month, I’m getting you a new car.”

This time, she texted back,

“OMG, really?”

Husband replied,

“No, I just wanted to make sure you got my first message.”

A man came home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags.

“Where are you going?” demanded the surprised husband.

“To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men who will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!”

The man pondered this for a moment, then began packing his bags.

“What do you think you are doing?” she screamed.

“I’m going to Las Vegas with you… I want to see how you’re going to live on $1,000 a year!”

An old lady was stopped and pulled into a parking space. A young man in his new red Mercedes immediately went around her and parked in the spot she was waiting for.

So upset was the little old lady that she went up to the man and said,

“I was going to park there!”

The man was a real smart alec and he said,

“That’s what you can do when you’re young and bright.”