Travel advisories are typically reserved for places with turbulent weather or unfortunate sandwich choices; rarely are they about scurrying away from Buckingham Palace. But when you’re Meghan Markle, even the rarest of scenarios become your reality. Gather round, dear readers, for a tale with more drama than your favorite soap opera and less elbow room than on a London Underground ride at rush hour.

Once upon a time, in the less-than-fairy-tale realm of Windsor, there was a bit of a royal rumble—a saga as public as Prince George’s penchant for top hats. While the tabloids might think they have a magnifying glass on every detail (if only they had Sherlock Holmes on payroll), such noble scuffles remain a delicate mystery. Yet, the smoke signals are clear: Prince Harry is caught in a cricket match he’s not particularly fond of.

Just imagine Harry, the lad who once captivated hearts worldwide, now entangled in tales of despair: rumors, royal authors penning thick volumes, and afternoon tea without biscuits – abysmal, isn’t it? While the rest of the fancy family might prefer an old-school duel, it seems Meghan Markle is fashioning her script by declaring, “Fore!” and forging her own path on a faraway golf course in sunny California.

The oceans haven’t been able to keep tongues from wagging about Harry’s longing for a home brewed cuppa in the UK. Alas, Meghan’s sentiment is crystal clear as a royal crystal chandelier: she’s as likely to return to England as one is to spot a pig flying over Big Ben. Apparently, she’s sworn never to grace the British Isles again with her royal loafers.

2020 was one for the books—Prince Harry and Meghan Markle swapped scenes from castles to California coastline, right next to the Hollywood sign, although they’re not exactly throwing themed soirées with George Clooney yet. Officially setting up home base among surfing enthusiasts and avocado toast lovers, they made it known this was no weekend getaway; it was their new stomping ground, now featuring two noble tots, Archie and Lilibet, who probably think of synchronized nap time like their royal mandate.

England probably hasn’t seen less of Harry since his boarding school days. He’s popped back over with alarming regularity, mainly for family matters like his father’s health scares, a poignant tale where he was met with tragic news: Father was too busy with his royal schedule for a meet-up. There’s familial love, and then there’s a packed planner!

If chatterboxes are to be believed, despite his escapades o’er the pond, Harry harbors a warm spot in his heart labeled “Home Sweet England.” Prince Harry’s commitment to family is as strong as a proper English brew, just with a dash of drama for flavor. Yet here’s the catch: the gossips suggest Meghan might just be the gatekeeper at the UK border, her proverbial ‘No Entry’ sign scribbled with conviction.

The echo of 2022 rings through Kensington: Meghan, alongside Harry, bid farewell to the late Queen Elizabeth—a sombre trip demonstrating both gravity and grace. Since then, Harry’s British visits have seen a conspicuous absence of his so-called better half, leading everyone more fidgety than pointers on “Whose Line Is It Anyway?”

Perhaps Meghan’s real-life game of hide-and-seek from the British Isles stems from a sense of cold welcome; her reasons against renewing bonds with the Queen’s land may be as layered as a fine trifle. Whatever the reason, the world is left waiting in the wings, anxious yet somehow entertained by this royal rendition of “Will They or Won’t They Step Foot on the UK Again?” Only time will tell if Buckingham’s allure will someday charm Meghan back to the Sceptered Isle’s shores—or if California sunrays will maintain their royal captive indefinitely.

So here’s the catch, my dear afternoon tea lovers: whether Meghan ever decides to pack up the first-class luggage for a jaunt across the Atlantic again, or remain in her peacock state of beachside zen, let it be known—all stories need their wild twist and speculators their goldmine. Until then, we’ll watch and wonder, our popcorn bowls nearly ready for a refill.