Have you ever come across a story that just makes you laugh every time you hear it? Well, I’ve got a gem for you today that’s sure to brighten your day. This story, titled ‘The Middle Wife’, comes from a wonderful and anonymous second-grade teacher who has been sharing it for years.
Having taught for about fifteen years and being a parent to two kids myself, I’ve heard quite a few birth stories, but none quite like the one I witnessed in my very own second-grade classroom a few years back. One of the things I love doing is having show-and-tell sessions with my students. It certainly helps them overcome shyness, and let me tell you, it usually results in some pretty entertaining moments. Kids typically bring in their pet turtles, model airplanes, or pictures of the fish they catch. The sky’s the limit when it comes to what they can share!
Now, let me introduce you to Erica, a very bright and outgoing little girl who decided to surprise us all one day during show-and-tell. She came up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater, holding a snapshot of an infant. With a big smile, she announced, ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’
Here’s where it gets good. Erica went on to explain, ‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’ Now, before you start laughing, remember that Erica had the whole class, including me, completely captivated.
Erica then continued with even more enthusiasm. ‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, “Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!”’ She even put a hand behind her back and started groaning to demonstrate. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, “Oh, oh, oh!”’ (By this point, Erica was doing a hysterical duck walk while groaning, which had us all in stitches.)
According to Erica, her Dad then called for the “middle wife.” She described the middle wife as someone who delivers babies but doesn’t have a sign on her car like the Domino’s man. Erika then shared even more details: ‘They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (She then lay down with her back against the wall.) ‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (You should have seen her miming the water flowing away; it was priceless.)
Erica wasn’t done just yet. ‘Then the middle wife starts saying “push, push,” and “breathe, breathe.” They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.’
Finally, with a big theatrical bow, Erica returned to her seat, leaving the entire class, including myself, in fits of laughter. From that day on, I never attend another show-and-tell session without my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ story comes along.
So, there you have it—the delightful and hilarious tale of the ‘Middle Wife’ that never fails to bring a smile to my face. I hope it does the same for you!
