Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Yes.
Wife: Shut up. Don’t you ever dare talk to me!
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: No.
Wife: Liar.
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Maybe.
Wife: Can you ever be decisive?
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: I don’t know.
Wife: Are you blind?
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Depends.
Wife: Oh, you’re comparing me with someone else…
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: (silence)
Wife: Are you deaf?
Some questions simply have no right answer. For everything else, there’s always Google…
Husband to Wife:
Tomorrow is your birthday. What gift would you like?
Wife: A giraffe!
Husband: Darling, please be reasonable. Where would I get a giraffe? Ask for something possible.
Wife: OK, then give up drinking. That you can do, and I’ll accept it as a good gift.
The next day…
Husband: Here is the giraffe.
Husband: Hello?
Wife: Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?
Husband: Yes.
Wife: Great! I’m at the mall two blocks away. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. Can I buy it?
Husband: What’s the price?
Wife: Only $1,500.
Husband: Well, OK, go ahead and get it if you like it that much…
Wife: Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. The salesman gave me a good price. Since we need to exchange the BMW we bought last year…
Husband: What price did he quote you?
Wife: Only $60,000.
Husband: OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.
Wife: Great! But before we hang up, there’s something else…
Husband: What?
Wife: It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account. I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we looked at last year. It’s on sale!
Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of parkland, beachfront property.
Husband: How much are they asking?
Wife: Only $450,000, a magnificent price. We have that much in the bank to cover it.
Husband: Well, go ahead and buy it, but bid $420,000, OK?
Wife: OK, sweetie. Thanks! See you later! I love you!
Husband: Bye, I love you too…
The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flip, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks everyone present:
Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?
