“Am I in the wrong for not helping, or should he, as an adult, be able to do this by himself,” the Redditor wrote in a post that has thousands of comments.
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A Redditor is seeking advice after sharing a disagreement with her boyfriend about waking up on time for work. This discussion has attracted a lot of attention on the “Am I the A——” (“AITA”) subreddit.
In her post, the 25-year-old woman explained that her boyfriend, also 25, has ADHD, which makes it difficult for him to wake up on time despite setting multiple alarms.
“He sleeps through all of his alarms, which usually means he is late for work,” she said. “Sometimes it’s only 10-15 minutes, but it can also stretch to an hour. His boss likes him and has given him plenty of chances, but he got his last warning that if he doesn’t show up on time, he’ll lose his job.”
She mentioned that they have had several discussions and arguments over the past year, with her boyfriend insisting that it’s her responsibility to wake him up.
“But I don’t think it’s my responsibility,” she said. She feels her boyfriend should find a method that works for him, as waking him up herself makes her feel more like his mother or caregiver rather than his partner.
However, she tries to help by researching alternatives and waking him when his alarms go off, but he often goes back to sleep. She also mentioned that he can be grumpy or angry in the morning, which complicates things further.
When his boss gave him the final warning, she felt guilty, wondering if she should have done more to wake him up. “Is it my responsibility? Am I in the wrong for not helping? Or should he, as an adult, be able to do this by himself?”
She received an overwhelming number of comments, with many Reddit users stating that she was “NTA” (“Not the A——“).
One commenter with ADHD suggested using the app “Alarm Clock Xtreme” to avoid abusing the snooze button. Another recommended using a wake-up light at full brightness to wake up with a clear head.
“He is a grown man. Don’t let him guilt you either. If he were single, he wouldn’t even have the option of someone waking him. It’s not your fault! Time for him to put on his big boy pants,” wrote another commenter, resonating with many readers.
In an update, she added that she needs to know her boyfriend can take care of himself in case something happens. This post, generating nearly 3,000 comments, has created a space for people to discuss adult responsibilities and the dynamics of caregiving in relationship
