Conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can be challenging, especially when it comes to parenting choices. Finding a balance between respect and asserting parental autonomy is crucial for maintaining family harmony. A recent Reddit post shed light on a distressing situation involving a mother-in-law (MIL) that left the daughter-in-law (DIL) feeling emotionally overwhelmed. The situation was made even more difficult by the insensitive behavior of the husband.
The DIL shared her experience:
“I have a 5-month-old daughter, and my mother-in-law has been to our place more than 30 times. However, the only way she wants to ‘help’ is by changing my daughter’s diaper or bottle-feeding her. We don’t allow her to change the diaper because the one time she did, she took an unusually long time, which made me uncomfortable. It doesn’t take 10 minutes to change a diaper, so we made a rule that only we can change our daughter.
Now, the issue is with bottle-feeding. I exclusively breastfeed and have no need to pump milk. But my MIL gets irritated when I refuse to let her bottle-feed my baby. I don’t plan to pump unless necessary. I work from home, as does my husband. When the time comes for me to pump, I will do it. But wanting my MIL to bottle-feed is not a valid reason for me.”
Frustrated with the recurring argument, the DIL reached a boiling point:
“Yesterday afternoon, my MIL came over while I was making dinner. My husband was looking after the baby, who had been fussing for a few minutes. He tried to soothe her while I finished cooking. That’s when my MIL said, ‘I’ll take the baby while you finish dinner. Claire, could you quickly go pump so I can settle her.’
Fed up with the argument, I couldn’t hold back my emotions anymore. I slammed the spatula on the counter and firmly said, ‘You’re not feeding my kid. I’m not pumping for you. If you bring it up again, you’ll have very little to do with your granddaughter’s life.’ With that, I took the baby, passed the spatula to my husband, and retreated to another room, locking myself away. I could hear my MIL arguing with my husband in the kitchen, and then a door slammed shut.
When I finally came out, I saw that my MIL had left, and my husband was angrily finishing dinner. He turned to me callously and asked, ‘Is it such a big deal for you to pump so that my mom can feed her granddaughter?!’ He then slammed my plate down in front of me, stormed off to his office, and slammed the door. Since then, his whole attitude has changed. He’s become distant…”
Other Reddit users expressed their support for the DIL’s perspective and shared their own experiences. It’s important to remember that conflicts with mothers-in-law can arise even in the most compassionate relationships. Here are a few short stories that illustrate this point.
