Dear Ex-Husband,
I’m writing this letter in response to your farewell letter, and I must say, it made my day! It’s true that you and I have been married for seven long years, but unfortunately, your definition of being a “good man” falls quite short.
You see, I often find solace in watching my favorite soaps because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad nothing seems to work for you. And yes, I did notice your new haircut last week, but honestly, the first thought that crossed my mind was, “You look just like a girl!” Following my mother’s advice, I refrained from making any negative comments.
Let’s talk about that “favorite meal” you mention. I believe you must have mixed me up with MY SISTER because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I guess it slipped your mind, but that’s okay.
Now, let’s address those brand new silk boxers. When I saw them, I couldn’t help but notice the $49.99 price tag still attached. To my surprise, I just happened to have lent my sister $50 that same morning. What a coincidence!
Despite all of this, I still loved you and believed that we could work it out. In fact, when I won ten million dollars in the lottery, I quit my job and even planned a romantic getaway for the two of us in Jamaica. But, to my dismay, you were nowhere to be found when I arrived home.
But you know what they say, everything happens for a reason. I truly hope you find the fulfilling life you’ve always desired. On a legal note, my lawyer informed me that your farewell letter ensures you won’t be receiving a single penny from me. So, take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. By the way, not sure if I ever mentioned this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not an issue for you.
