The Best Divorce Letter Ever!

A Humorous Exchange

Dear Wife,

I want to start off by saying that I’m writing this letter to let you know that I’m leaving you forever. We’ve been together for 7 years, and honestly, I feel like I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been incredibly tough. To top it off, your boss actually called me to inform me that you quit your job. That was the final straw for me. Last week, I went out of my way to make you feel special. I got a new haircut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore brand new silk boxers. But you barely even noticed. You devoured your meal in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching your favorite soaps. The truth is, you don’t tell me you love me anymore, and our intimate connection has disappeared. Either you’re cheating on me or you simply don’t love me anymore. Regardless of the reason, I’m done.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Please don’t try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Wish you all the best!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Receiving your letter has truly made my day! It’s true that you and I have been married for 7 years, but let’s be honest, you haven’t been the best husband. I watch my soaps as a way to drown out your constant whining and griping. It’s a shame that it doesn’t work. I did actually notice when you got a haircut last week, but the first thought that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” However, out of respect for my mother’s teachings, I decided to keep that to myself. And as for the meal you cooked, it seems like you must have mixed me up with my sister because I haven’t eaten pork in 7 years. As for those silk boxers, I turned away because I noticed the $49.99 price tag still attached to them. Funny enough, my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

Despite all of this, I still loved you and believed that we could work things out. So when I won 10 million dollars in the lottery, I quit my job and bought us tickets to Jamaica, hoping to reignite the spark between us. However, when I arrived home, you were already gone. I’ve come to believe that everything happens for a reason. I truly hope you find the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted. On a legal note, my lawyer has assured me that your letter ensures you won’t receive a dime from me. So take care.


Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this, but my sister Carla was born as Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.